Heretical Fishing
Author: Haylock
Book 5: Chapter 36: Fetch the Pans
The following morning, I seethed. No matter how much I had twisted and turned, or cuddled Maria, or rubbed Borks’s fluffy belly, I hadn’t been able to get more than an hour’s sleep. The tunnels below had been shifting and warping all night, influenced by the third party feeding power—and only the gods knew what else—into them.
So, with the sun shining down overtop the buildings of Tropica, and the flavors of croissant and double-strength coffee lingering on my tongue, I challenged my problems directly. I knocked on the door as hard as I could without breaking it.
“Let me in, you treasonous bastards! If I can’t have any rest, neither can you!”
The response I got was unexpected.
“Leave,” ordered Fathom. It was more of a suggestion really, considering how tired the too-many-tantacled prick sounded.
I peered down at the good boy beside me. “Fetch the pans, Borks.”
He cocked his head and made a questioning whine. I was forced to pat him behind the ear; he was too cute to resist.
“Yes, I’m sure. Their crimes demand it.”
That was all he needed to know. His tongue lolled and tail swished as he tore a portal open and leaped in. He returned carrying two of the biggest bloody cooking pans Tropica had to offer.
“Thank you, Borks. Whosagoodboy?
You! Yes you are!” When I finished fussing him all over, I picked up the instruments of my vengeance and cleared my throat. “Last chance! Open the door or I’m playing you the song of my people! And in case you were wondering, my people
” The last three words were punctuated with so many clangs of the pans.
“Please, Fischer,” came Fathom’s mental voice. “Now is not the time.”
“Ohhhhh,
I get hit with the ‘please’, huh? You think I don’t know what you’ve been up to in there? I’m connected to those damn tunnels! What the frack were you even doing to them last night? It felt like you were pouring in pure acid!” No response came, so I yodelled at the top of my lungs, played the pans like they owed me money, and changed tack. “We had a feast last night to celebrate all the breakthroughs!
I invited came along, except for all of you! Even Ruby was there, with her newborn! You rude pricks missed—”
The door exploded out as if struck by a freight train, the chunks of wood shattering against me.
“Oh, and now you’re
Great! I’m gonna have to start charging… you…
It wasn’t a freight train that had struck the door. It was Geraldine. Her cheeks were gaunt, her skin ashen, made all the more noticeable by the panicked look on her face. Usually, seeing her abject fatigue would have immediately drawn all my attention.
But I found my gaze drifting over her shoulder, into the blackened depths of the alchemical workshop. Everyone within squinted against the morning brightness, as shocked to see me as I was to see them. They didn’t hold my attention for long, though. The floor in the center of the building was gone, replaced by a swirling, three-metre-wide funnel of abyssal chi. Fathom was slumped against the desks, which had all been pushed to the back of the room. George was beside him, arms extended, holding the vortex open. Cal floated above it, his elemental chi tumbling down into it like a landslide, fueling the tunnels. And the two alchemists, both staring at me with wide eyes, were in the middle of pouring the green contents of a cauldron into the spiralling void.
“I fracking knew it!” I yelled. “You
pouring acid in!”
“It’s not—” Solomon started, but then George came back to himself.
He dashed for the doorway, bringing a table with him, using it to block both me and the sunlight from peering into the building as he joined us outside. Fathom took control of the void, letting faint echoes of their task pulse over me. I tried to sense it—tried to glean exactly what they were doing, other than adding power—but I was too slow, too tired, and too weak.
“Soooo,” I said, looking from George, to his wife, to the table-turned-door. “What you guys doin’?”
“Nothing! Just…” George rubbed the dark rings around his eyes. “Just, erm—”
“A surprise!” Geraldine finished, trying to give me a reassuring smile that looked more like a sneer, her eyes squinting against the light of day.
“That so? I
pretty surprised, because it looks to me like you’re trying to create some kind of portal to the underworld.”
Geraldine scrubbed her hands over her face. “I can’t believe Ruby had her baby…”
George did his best to both reassure his wife and compose himself before turning to me. “Fischer, this really is bad timing. I’m sorry. We have to get back inside. You need to trust us.”
“I want to trust you. I really do, but
…”
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“I know it looks bad, Fischer. Please. There’s a reason we can’t tell you.”
“Bad? It doesn’t look bad. It looks
”
“I know. I know. But I can’t explain myself.”
“Where is the first sister?” I asked. “I felt her in there a couple weeks ago.”
Georgel licked his lips. “Are you sure…?”
“Yes I’m bloody sure, you peanut. Do you think I got her confused with one of the other lava elementals we have?”
He pressed his palms into his eyes. “Fischer,
You
“Is…” Geraldine let out an involuntary whimper. If she weren’t so dehydrated, she’d probably be crying. “Is she okay? Is the baby healthy?”
My exhaustion was stopping me from thinking clearly. Assuming my friends weren’t being the baddies, I was being rude to Geraldine, if not cruel. I took a deep breath, forced the damned nightmare scene I’d just witnessed from my mind, and gathered my chi. I fired off two mental requests into the village, and with the respective people’s consent, I brought them to my side.
“Geraldine,” I said, grimacing as my vision pulsed. “Meet Fin. Ruby birthed her, but I named her.”
“You did not, Fischer, you lying bast—”
“Not right now, Rubes! Time is of the essence!”
She looked like she was going to retort. Or throw a shoe at my head. Possibly both shoes. Thankfully, Geraldine stumbled forward with tears in her eyes, getting Ruby’s attention before I could suffer violence.
I turned to the other person whose consent I’d gotten. “I need you to verify some truths, Theo.”
He covered a yawn. “It couldn’t wait…?”
“You tell me.” I still held my chi, so I sent him to the other side of the table currently serving as a door.
There was a second of silence, followed by a muffled, “By the hounds of Hades!”
“
” boomed Fathom, pissed enough to find some reserves of energy with which to yell.
I retrieved Theo with a minor flex of will, and I couldn’t help but laugh at the look on his face as he reappeared beside me. “Feeling awake yet, mate? Reckon it could have waited?”
“What the
was that?”
“A surprise, apparently.”
“I swear,” George said, rushing forward and grabbing Theo by the shoulders, “what we are doing is for the good of everyone in Tropica. We have reasons for not telling Fischer. And if we don’t get back in there, months of work will all be for naught.”
Theo nodded. “All true.”
“Okay,” I said. “Last question. Was this Ellis’s idea?”
“It—we… Stop asking questions!”
“That’s clearly a yes.” I raised a hand before he could reply. “Relax. I won’t ask again. Look, seeing as I’ve already discovered you’re up to some bullshit, is it okay if Maria comes and heals you? You look half dead.”
“She can’t. Her chi… Godsdamnit this is annoying! I can’t tell you, okay, but no. We can’t have anyone else—”
A pulse of darkness flew from the workshop, slamming into us with the power of three elementals and whatever concoction the two alchemists were pouring into the tunnel-lookin’-thing. George and Geraldine’s eyes flew wide with panic.
“Go on.” I shooed them away with one of my giant pans. “Get back in there, you scoundrels.”
George didn’t even say a word. He just sprinted for the building.
Geraldine, at least, had some manners. “Nice to meet you, Fin. And congratulations again, Ruby. She’s adorable!” She passed the infant back and followed George, who closed the door behind her. Well, it was a table, but that felt unimportant compared to everything else going on with the workshop.
“And thank you, Fischer!” came Geraldine’s muffled yell.
“You’re welcome, but don’t think this is over!” I called. “You all owe me a full explanation when you finish… whatever the hell you’re doing!” I blew air from my lips. “And you. What do you have to say for yourself?”
Theo frowned at my question. “Uhhh, nothing?”
“Really? Because I’m pretty sure you used Borks as a swear word earlier. By the hounds of Hades? Look at him—he’s distraught.”
Borks, ever happy to be included, wagged his tail vigorously as he stared up at us.
“Sorry, Borks. I didn’t mean it.” Theo bent to scratch his head, but ended up rubbing him all over, unable to resist.
“Looks like he forgives you,” said a feminine voice.
Theo started, looking around the empty street before his eyes landed on me. “Did you just hear Maria?”
“Maria…?” I scanned our surroundings. “Are you feeling okay, mate?”
“Maybe not. I could have sworn I just—
Tropica’s newest broken-through cultivator released his ability, making himself, Maria, Barry, and three children appear on the street.
“Did you just…” Theo frowned at them, then turned toward Dodge. “You can make
invisible?”
The man grinned, one hand resting on Theresa and Toby’s heads. “It’s not so much going invisible as it is making your vision slide right over me. I didn’t know I could extend it either, but my little tacticians thought of it.”
“So?” I asked. “Do you forgive me yet?”
“Hmmm.” Barry rubbed his stupidly muscular chin. “I don’t know…”
“Oh, c’mon! I could have just come here by myself. Tell me that wasn’t fun to watch?”
“Okay, it
fun, but any goodwill was mostly undone when I saw… whatever they’re doing in there.”
“Seriously.” Maria glanced at the door. Er, table. “What
they doing?”
“Other than feeding power into the tunnel? No clue. I’m even more confused than before.” I sighed. “And I still haven’t earned the forgiveness of two of my homies? This was a
.”
Barry narrowed his eyes at me. “If that’s the case… why are you grinning like that?”
“I don’t think I am.”
“Yes you are. And now you’re waggling your eyebrows.”
“Am not.”
“You know, Barry,” Maria said, “I think you’re onto something. They do appear to be waggling.”
“Okay, okay. You got me.” I grinned even wider as I raised the two massive pans I still held. “I knew you’d play hard to get, Barry. There’s another way I can earn your forgiveness, and after this, there’s no way you can still resent me.” I gestured for everyone to come closer. “Bring it in, especially my three brilliant, well-rested tactitions. Here’s the plan…”
So, with the sun shining down overtop the buildings of Tropica, and the flavors of croissant and double-strength coffee lingering on my tongue, I challenged my problems directly. I knocked on the door as hard as I could without breaking it.
“Let me in, you treasonous bastards! If I can’t have any rest, neither can you!”
The response I got was unexpected.
“Leave,” ordered Fathom. It was more of a suggestion really, considering how tired the too-many-tantacled prick sounded.
I peered down at the good boy beside me. “Fetch the pans, Borks.”
He cocked his head and made a questioning whine. I was forced to pat him behind the ear; he was too cute to resist.
“Yes, I’m sure. Their crimes demand it.”
That was all he needed to know. His tongue lolled and tail swished as he tore a portal open and leaped in. He returned carrying two of the biggest bloody cooking pans Tropica had to offer.
“Thank you, Borks. Whosagoodboy?
You! Yes you are!” When I finished fussing him all over, I picked up the instruments of my vengeance and cleared my throat. “Last chance! Open the door or I’m playing you the song of my people! And in case you were wondering, my people
” The last three words were punctuated with so many clangs of the pans.
“Please, Fischer,” came Fathom’s mental voice. “Now is not the time.”
“Ohhhhh,
I get hit with the ‘please’, huh? You think I don’t know what you’ve been up to in there? I’m connected to those damn tunnels! What the frack were you even doing to them last night? It felt like you were pouring in pure acid!” No response came, so I yodelled at the top of my lungs, played the pans like they owed me money, and changed tack. “We had a feast last night to celebrate all the breakthroughs!
I invited came along, except for all of you! Even Ruby was there, with her newborn! You rude pricks missed—”
The door exploded out as if struck by a freight train, the chunks of wood shattering against me.
“Oh, and now you’re
Great! I’m gonna have to start charging… you…
It wasn’t a freight train that had struck the door. It was Geraldine. Her cheeks were gaunt, her skin ashen, made all the more noticeable by the panicked look on her face. Usually, seeing her abject fatigue would have immediately drawn all my attention.
But I found my gaze drifting over her shoulder, into the blackened depths of the alchemical workshop. Everyone within squinted against the morning brightness, as shocked to see me as I was to see them. They didn’t hold my attention for long, though. The floor in the center of the building was gone, replaced by a swirling, three-metre-wide funnel of abyssal chi. Fathom was slumped against the desks, which had all been pushed to the back of the room. George was beside him, arms extended, holding the vortex open. Cal floated above it, his elemental chi tumbling down into it like a landslide, fueling the tunnels. And the two alchemists, both staring at me with wide eyes, were in the middle of pouring the green contents of a cauldron into the spiralling void.
“I fracking knew it!” I yelled. “You
pouring acid in!”
“It’s not—” Solomon started, but then George came back to himself.
He dashed for the doorway, bringing a table with him, using it to block both me and the sunlight from peering into the building as he joined us outside. Fathom took control of the void, letting faint echoes of their task pulse over me. I tried to sense it—tried to glean exactly what they were doing, other than adding power—but I was too slow, too tired, and too weak.
“Soooo,” I said, looking from George, to his wife, to the table-turned-door. “What you guys doin’?”
“Nothing! Just…” George rubbed the dark rings around his eyes. “Just, erm—”
“A surprise!” Geraldine finished, trying to give me a reassuring smile that looked more like a sneer, her eyes squinting against the light of day.
“That so? I
pretty surprised, because it looks to me like you’re trying to create some kind of portal to the underworld.”
Geraldine scrubbed her hands over her face. “I can’t believe Ruby had her baby…”
George did his best to both reassure his wife and compose himself before turning to me. “Fischer, this really is bad timing. I’m sorry. We have to get back inside. You need to trust us.”
“I want to trust you. I really do, but
…”
Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site.
“I know it looks bad, Fischer. Please. There’s a reason we can’t tell you.”
“Bad? It doesn’t look bad. It looks
”
“I know. I know. But I can’t explain myself.”
“Where is the first sister?” I asked. “I felt her in there a couple weeks ago.”
Georgel licked his lips. “Are you sure…?”
“Yes I’m bloody sure, you peanut. Do you think I got her confused with one of the other lava elementals we have?”
He pressed his palms into his eyes. “Fischer,
You
“Is…” Geraldine let out an involuntary whimper. If she weren’t so dehydrated, she’d probably be crying. “Is she okay? Is the baby healthy?”
My exhaustion was stopping me from thinking clearly. Assuming my friends weren’t being the baddies, I was being rude to Geraldine, if not cruel. I took a deep breath, forced the damned nightmare scene I’d just witnessed from my mind, and gathered my chi. I fired off two mental requests into the village, and with the respective people’s consent, I brought them to my side.
“Geraldine,” I said, grimacing as my vision pulsed. “Meet Fin. Ruby birthed her, but I named her.”
“You did not, Fischer, you lying bast—”
“Not right now, Rubes! Time is of the essence!”
She looked like she was going to retort. Or throw a shoe at my head. Possibly both shoes. Thankfully, Geraldine stumbled forward with tears in her eyes, getting Ruby’s attention before I could suffer violence.
I turned to the other person whose consent I’d gotten. “I need you to verify some truths, Theo.”
He covered a yawn. “It couldn’t wait…?”
“You tell me.” I still held my chi, so I sent him to the other side of the table currently serving as a door.
There was a second of silence, followed by a muffled, “By the hounds of Hades!”
“
” boomed Fathom, pissed enough to find some reserves of energy with which to yell.
I retrieved Theo with a minor flex of will, and I couldn’t help but laugh at the look on his face as he reappeared beside me. “Feeling awake yet, mate? Reckon it could have waited?”
“What the
was that?”
“A surprise, apparently.”
“I swear,” George said, rushing forward and grabbing Theo by the shoulders, “what we are doing is for the good of everyone in Tropica. We have reasons for not telling Fischer. And if we don’t get back in there, months of work will all be for naught.”
Theo nodded. “All true.”
“Okay,” I said. “Last question. Was this Ellis’s idea?”
“It—we… Stop asking questions!”
“That’s clearly a yes.” I raised a hand before he could reply. “Relax. I won’t ask again. Look, seeing as I’ve already discovered you’re up to some bullshit, is it okay if Maria comes and heals you? You look half dead.”
“She can’t. Her chi… Godsdamnit this is annoying! I can’t tell you, okay, but no. We can’t have anyone else—”
A pulse of darkness flew from the workshop, slamming into us with the power of three elementals and whatever concoction the two alchemists were pouring into the tunnel-lookin’-thing. George and Geraldine’s eyes flew wide with panic.
“Go on.” I shooed them away with one of my giant pans. “Get back in there, you scoundrels.”
George didn’t even say a word. He just sprinted for the building.
Geraldine, at least, had some manners. “Nice to meet you, Fin. And congratulations again, Ruby. She’s adorable!” She passed the infant back and followed George, who closed the door behind her. Well, it was a table, but that felt unimportant compared to everything else going on with the workshop.
“And thank you, Fischer!” came Geraldine’s muffled yell.
“You’re welcome, but don’t think this is over!” I called. “You all owe me a full explanation when you finish… whatever the hell you’re doing!” I blew air from my lips. “And you. What do you have to say for yourself?”
Theo frowned at my question. “Uhhh, nothing?”
“Really? Because I’m pretty sure you used Borks as a swear word earlier. By the hounds of Hades? Look at him—he’s distraught.”
Borks, ever happy to be included, wagged his tail vigorously as he stared up at us.
“Sorry, Borks. I didn’t mean it.” Theo bent to scratch his head, but ended up rubbing him all over, unable to resist.
“Looks like he forgives you,” said a feminine voice.
Theo started, looking around the empty street before his eyes landed on me. “Did you just hear Maria?”
“Maria…?” I scanned our surroundings. “Are you feeling okay, mate?”
“Maybe not. I could have sworn I just—
Tropica’s newest broken-through cultivator released his ability, making himself, Maria, Barry, and three children appear on the street.
“Did you just…” Theo frowned at them, then turned toward Dodge. “You can make
invisible?”
The man grinned, one hand resting on Theresa and Toby’s heads. “It’s not so much going invisible as it is making your vision slide right over me. I didn’t know I could extend it either, but my little tacticians thought of it.”
“So?” I asked. “Do you forgive me yet?”
“Hmmm.” Barry rubbed his stupidly muscular chin. “I don’t know…”
“Oh, c’mon! I could have just come here by myself. Tell me that wasn’t fun to watch?”
“Okay, it
fun, but any goodwill was mostly undone when I saw… whatever they’re doing in there.”
“Seriously.” Maria glanced at the door. Er, table. “What
they doing?”
“Other than feeding power into the tunnel? No clue. I’m even more confused than before.” I sighed. “And I still haven’t earned the forgiveness of two of my homies? This was a
.”
Barry narrowed his eyes at me. “If that’s the case… why are you grinning like that?”
“I don’t think I am.”
“Yes you are. And now you’re waggling your eyebrows.”
“Am not.”
“You know, Barry,” Maria said, “I think you’re onto something. They do appear to be waggling.”
“Okay, okay. You got me.” I grinned even wider as I raised the two massive pans I still held. “I knew you’d play hard to get, Barry. There’s another way I can earn your forgiveness, and after this, there’s no way you can still resent me.” I gestured for everyone to come closer. “Bring it in, especially my three brilliant, well-rested tactitions. Here’s the plan…”